Me, Me, Me.

Have you ever felt like you were walking around each day aimlessly? Or without a purpose? Have you felt like you were called to do something great for God, but you just didn’t know what?

Well, that’s exactly how I was feeling not too long ago. I would wonder about all the possibilities. I mean if you really sit down and think about alllllll the possibilities…you would be thinking forever. There’s tons of stuff I think I have the potential to be great at. But that’s what I think. Did I stop to think or consider what God thinks? Or what God wants and what would ultimately bring Him glory? Or even let God decide? A lot of times, no. My first thought wasn’t, “God what do you want me to do. Lead me in Your way.” It was more like, “Alright, these are the things I know I’m good at and I’m sure God will be glorified.” There’s a problem there…

These are the things I know I’m good at.

What drives me to make such a statement? I don’t think I ever saw God in a vision telling me that teaching math to adolescents is what I’m good at. Wait – not I don’t think..I definitely never saw God in a vision telling me that. So what creates this belief in me that I have some sort of natural ability to teach? Well, first of all, situations. If I look back at my life I see situations that I made it through, by God’s grace alone. In my time of searching for what my “calling” is, I’ve seen The Lord building me up to fulfill His purpose through these situations. I see that since I was little I loved being around kids who were younger than me. I loved when my little cousins would follow me around; I loved to be someone they were to look up to. And entering high school I jumped on the first opportunity I got to do a teaching internship. After that, I was sold. Some would say teaching is in my blood. My mom, grandma, and aunt are all teachers. Then, I went to Baylor. Knowing that I would definitely be a teacher. It was what I was called to do and I was sure of that. I took several teaching courses and a common topic was realizing that teaching is a calling, not just a job. But what’s the correlation between my “calling” to teach and what the Lord has called me to do? The only way I know how to answer  that question is to 1) humble myself and 2) truly commit my life’s plans into the Lord’s hands instead of controlling everything myself.

He must increase, but I must decrease.

John 3:30

So if I really feel that I have a heart to teach, then shouldn’t my prayer and question be, “Lord, how can I use what I love to do to glorify You alone and bring others to know You?”

A lot of times we think we are doing things to please the Lord and glorify Him, but who’s really the one benefiting from our actions and decisions? In my case, I would say most of the things I used to do and at times still do, are all about me. I’m good at this so it must be what I need to do. I’m such a good friend. I will make the most money doing that.  I am highly qualified for this position, I know I’ll get it. Why isn’t everyone else like me? I am just the best. <—— I might as well just start by saying that before I say anything else because that’s the pride that’s in my heart – there’s no point hiding it. “I am just the best.” Reality check – Priyanka, you are not the best, not even close to being the best. Actually, what makes you worth anything at all is that God, the Creator of this universe, and the Heavenly Father, chose to love you. He chose you because you were the worst. He chose to save you because there was no other way for you to be saved. That’s how hopeless you were without Him. So, get real. He is the bestBut the even better part is, He’s all yours.

Life doesn’t just get figured out one day miraculously. So maybe you’re waiting for some epiphany or grand sign from God on what to do next, but it’s what you do every step along the way that matters. And maybe there’s something that you love to do, but you’re just not 100% sure if it’s what God is calling you to do – that’s okay. It’s not our job to know it all. It’s our job to surrender it all. And don’t get me wrong, some days are hard. Some day are a battle. But that’s when we remember the promises that He’s made to us. That’s when we look to Him and are reassured that He is all that matters. He is all that will ever matter.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I still don’t know exactly what God has called me to do. He’s still molding me into who He wants me to be. But all the possibilities are nothing without Him. And in my time of waiting, He will be glorified because it’s about Him, not about me. Him, Him, Him. Not me, me, me.

Remember, trust only.

Let this be our earnest prayer to the Lord today and every day –

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oceans – Hillsong United

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