“Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart”
This song has always been such a powerful song for me. The words are so beautifully written and depict a clear picture of how earnestly, we as humans, need our Savior. Over the years, I have struggled with this roller coaster of a relationship with Jesus. One day I’m all about serving Him, and the next day I find myself living for the world – looking for worldly happiness, rather than spiritual satisfaction. Why is this? Why does there have to be this constant struggle? Simple. It’s because I didn’t realize my need to have Him guide my heart and rule over my life. In the moment, I forget that without Him, I fall apart.
Here are some signs that made me finally realize that I was not submitting my life to the Lord:
I became angry at EVERYTHING
I began to see the bad in everyone! (I’m a social worker, and this is the one thing we are NOT supposed to do)
I found it difficult to trust people who were close to me
I was always right and everyone else was wrong
I treated my closest family and friends poorly and distanced myself away from them
I was not genuine
The list could go on and on; trust me! These negative characteristics over took me because I chose to live for the world and not for God. Don’t get me wrong, I still went to church and still participated in Bible studies, but my time with the Lord was superficial – it was not real! I wasn’t broken and I didn’t realize that I truly needed My Savior. I wasn’t being intentional in my relationship with Christ, and my lack of desire to spend time growing in His word became evident in my actions. Satan began to seep in and I felt that the world was against me. I had to do whatever I could to make it to the top. In the end I hurt a lot of people close to me and lost a sense of who I really was.
To this day I struggle with a lot of those characteristics. I am constantly struggling as a sinner, but in those moments of temptation or despair I know that my Savior is near. My time with Jesus is precious, and if let the things of this world get in the way of that, I force this wedge between my Savior and me – a wedge that causes me to become worldly and be separate from the things of God. This post is short and simple but I hope you realize, just as I did, that it is our dependence and trust in God that makes us better people. The more time I spend with Christ, the more I want to be like Him. I am working on changing daily, and I know that this is a life long process. With Christ on my side, I am confident that I can live up to the potential that He has set for me. Jesus Christ desires to be the center of our lives. When things are falling apart and you don’t know what to do, turn to Him and trust that He is all you need.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. “