Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139:7-10
I am astonished that it’s almost mid-December. The end of the year always sneaks up on me, but this year seems especially true. As I look back on 2013, God has made such a tremendous and indelible mark, not only in my life but also in the lives of my family, friends, classmates, and acquaintances.
A year ago, I had quit my job at the hospital, and I was preparing to say my goodbyes before moving to Savannah for PA school. I was so excited to start my new season, but I still remember thinking, “God, thanks for this season where I got to feel relaxed, enjoy my time with You without the stress of school, and got to meet amazing people. I really hope I can be this close to You again when I’m not so busy with grad school.”
Recalling my machinations, I have to shake my head because God was able to take such a foolish notion and tear it to shreds. I had the audacity to think that I was the one who held the reigns of a Divine relationship! I am SO happy that I was wrong.
Well, before long, I learned that I needed Him more than ever in my life and that I was absolutely miserable without being with Him on a regular basis. School just kept trying to suck my joy and especially my time. In the midst of all the busyness and studying, God made His presence known, and He was so gracious by never letting me feel forgotten or alone.
In the spring, when I could not stand another 2 hour lecture, I would go outside the confines of the building, and God would softly remind me of His presence with the beauty of Spanish moss dangling from the trees and the bright daffodils that grew in contrast to the drab cement sidewalks. Then there were the summer nights where I would just study at Starbucks for hours upon hours until closing, and when I stepped outside into the nearly vacant parking lot, I would look up to see a shining full moon reminding me of my redeemed state. Just as the moon has no light of its own but reflects the light of the sun, I am a vessel of an omnipotent God who chose me to be a light and reflect God’s Son.
Even after days of being unfaithful by not paying any attention to God or seeking Him as I should, He would still pick me up when I wallowed in my self-pity. He still showered me with blessings. I’m sure you can attest to similar situations. I honestly don’t think there is a being as romantic as my Lord who continues to pursue me and pour out His lovingkindness!
The lyrics really capture things so well:
But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I will go where You lead me Lord
And I will be Yours
I will be Yours all my life
So let Your mercy light the path before me.
Whenever I visit Dallas on my breaks, family members and other people always ask me how much longer I have of grad school. Then they tend to follow up with, “Don’t worry. Before you know it, you will be finished.” As they say this, I can see in their eyes what’s not being said out loud, “Poor girl. All alone in Savannah without any loved ones.”
I appreciate the concern. Truly I do! However, it’s unnecessary. Within the first few days of moving to Savannah, God led me through the doors of a church not knowing a single soul, but He knew that I would meet brothers and sisters who would love me with a love that can only be compared to Jesus Christ. God allowed me to be part of a class of 70 who are all so diverse and talented yet just as broken as I am. Then beyond my wildest imaginations, He even led me to Starbucks. I know that sounds really odd, but He has opened doors by allowing me to enter the “regulars” circle and develop friendships that are pleasantly surprising. The point I am trying to make is that I am surrounded by people.
Yeah, there have been times where all I wanted to do was teleport myself home, but for the most part, I am quite content of where I am because God is with me. He is all I need, and I belong to Him. Why would I want be anywhere else?