The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? | Jeremiah 17:9
Recap: I got my hopes up about a guy, and he stood me up on Valentine’s Day. Womp…womp…womp…
Well, the very next day, my friend texted me saying that the guy in question needed more time to pray about things. I understood, and I respected his decision. It’s really intimidating to start a new relationship with a complete stranger. I was under the impression that I wouldn’t hear from him for at least a week. That Sunday afternoon, I was skinning a fish and was talking to my brother updating him on the previous day…Then I suddenly noticed that someone was trying to call me on the other line.
Then I slowly tell my brother, “Umm, I think that guy is trying to call me now…” as I stood there in shock! Of course, my reasonable brother yells at me, “Answer him then!” I rushed out a goodbye, answered the incoming call, and after a pause that felt like eternity I said my first “hello”. On the other side, I heard a deep masculine voice repeat “hello” back to me…multiple times. We were both so incredibly awkward! If you know me, I love to laugh, and I had to bite my tongue from laughing just due to the entire situation.
Long story short, the first hour on the phone, I asked a lot of questions because I could tell that this guy was incredibly shy and didn’t know what to say. When he finally relaxed, the conversation got so much better! We actually talked for another hour and covered a wide variety of topics like how we both got saved, childhood memories, our vocations, and about our families. It was actually a pretty great first conversation!
Well, during the first week of getting to know each other over the phone and Skype, I was on cloud nine! This guy was meeting all the things I wanted in a future husband. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and spending time getting to know each other. I actually felt so sure that this guy was “the one” that I wanted to tell my parents by the end of that week! (In my culture, telling your parents is essentially the equivalent of saying you’re engaged.)
I ended up calling my parents and told them the whole situation. I felt so nervous the whole time, and I had no clue where this would lead. They took it really well honestly, but they were asking lots of questions that I didn’t have the answers for. I had only known the guy for a week! Then it abruptly hit me… Sheba, you’ve only known this guy for a week…
All those warm fuzzy feelings dissipated as soon as I crashed back to planet earth. I was having so many doubts during the following weeks. I knew he was the man for me in my head, but my heart was in a completely different dimension. There were instances where he would call or text me, and I would hear a voice saying, “He likes you more than you like him.” I genuinely thought something was wrong with me! Whatever happened to the ole notion of being head over heels in love or love at first sight?
Was my heart being defective? Throughout this, I just implored God for guidance. Around this time, my matchmaker friend called me up to check up on things, and I told her everything that was going on. She assured me that what I was going through was absolutely normal and that love will come slowly. I talked with my mom a little about it, and she gave me some advice as well. She was actually relieved by my reaction! She was afraid that I had thrown common sense out the window and that I was following after my heart…
My heart was in one place one week, and it flipped the next week. I was very hesitant to believe what my heart was telling me. It was whispering to me, “What if you never fall in love with him? What if you make him miserable? Maybe he will end up resenting you because you can’t love him. Is something wrong with you?” The voice wouldn’t shut up! I did the one thing that held true in every situation. I continued to pray about the whole situation. I needed peace, and I knew only God could bring it.
You know what? HE ABSOLUTELY DID. As the days passed by, I continued to get to know this very special man in my life, and very gradually the peace settled into my soul about him. God just continued to shine brighter in him. There were certainly things to tackle… like actually meeting in person, but I chose to trust that God had the situation under control. I also chose to believe that the One who can change a heart of stone into a heart of flesh is more than capable of transforming “like” into “love.”
As much as media, society, Hollywood, etc. likes to make us think about how falling in love should be this instantaneous thing with fireworks and happy feelings all the time, relationships take time and lots of effort. It very much reminded me of my personal relationship with Christ. When I first became saved, I didn’t feel close to Him. I was so unsure about so many things, but as I got to know Him through His Word I began to feel His presence and hear His voice in my life. If you feel the same way in your relationship with Christ or even with certain people in your life, give it over to God. Pray through it, and He will transform your relationship in His timing.