With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to you; I will give thanks to your name, O Lord, for it is good. For he has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies.| Psalm 54:6-7
Recap: I finally got to meet Jaison in person, and I was so excited for what was to come.
Life was sunshine and rainbows, but I knew this wasn’t a permanent thing. After we met, things in our relationship escalated VERY quickly. For instance, within days of meeting, I received a call from Jaison’s mom with the opening sentence being “Welcome to the Joy family!” Likewise, my parents called Jaison, and somehow he was able to speak with my mom, dad, and my siblings. I found out later that both our dads had an hour long conversation and acted like old buddies. Then we were all Facebook friends! Jaison and I continued our long-distant relationship, but it was no longer just the two of us. Before my very eyes, two distinct families were slowly melding into one. It was fascinating, yet terrifying.
Concurrently, studying for boards became a first priority, and my stress level was steadily increasing by the day. There were a number of factors at play. I was spending almost every waking hour I could spare to study. I was told of third parties outside of our parents trying to make influential decisions regarding our engagement. Then a week before my incredibly important board exam my dad was trying to talk to me about making a decision about an engagement date maybe in the next few months and a possible wedding date… It was the final straw. My brain blew a fuse somewhere in the midst of the chaos in my mind, and I just broke-down feeling incredibly overwhelmed by my life.
After some heart to hearts with my brother and mom, I cleared the air with everyone, and my parents assured me that there would be zero talks of any potential dates of engagements until after finishing my exam. Jaison was an incredible comfort to me by telling me that he was willing to talk to everyone for me. Even though he was far away, I felt so at peace and encouraged just knowing that he was on my side and willing to support me. Such as is life, nothing ever stays the same very long…
I finished my boards and was able to meet with Jaison. Unfortunately, our time together in Florida was miniscule and our time alone was essentially nonexistent since my best friend and cousin were with us most of the time. However, he was able to tell me the bombshell that he might not stay in the country. Wait. WHAT?! After taking a very calming breath and asking God for guidance and peace, I told Jaison very honestly that I would really miss him if he left. Before we could talk further, it was already time to part ways. Before saying our goodbyes the majority decided that it would be a great idea if Jaison flew us the next morning since Jaison was a pilot.
If you know me, then you know that I hate flying. Ever since I was a child, I have always had issues with motion sickness. While it has improved, it was nowhere near eradicated from my psyche. Then I looked at the face of the man who supported me in my time of need, and he looked so hurt that I didn’t want to share in the thing he was passionate about. Only because it was Jaison’s desire to take me flying, I finally relented to let him fly me around the city in a tiny 6-seater plane. I wanted to make him happy and be supportive!
Well, the following morning, my anxiety level was the equivalent of the morning of taking my board exam, if not worse. I sat up front with Jaison in this tiny propeller plane. At first, things were fine… I had adrenaline flowing, actually flew the plane for a total of 10 seconds, and enjoyed the view. However, as soon as I relinquished the steering wheel, the nausea and dizziness overcame me in waves. Before I knew it, my legs were having spasms; my fingers were in fixed extension and wouldn’t bend, and I couldn’t focus on a single thing. Before I knew it, I was sobbing on Jaison’s shoulder, and the poor guy tried to comfort me by holding my hand. It was a small victory but completely overshadowed by the fact that I was having a full out panic attack. I don’t remember much about the rest of that flight except that I kept praying, “Please don’t let me throw up on Jaison.”
Just in the nick of time, we were back on the land after Jaison had to make an emergency landing. By the time I extricated myself out of the plane; my complexion was different shades of gray and I had an upset stomach for the next hour or so. Jaison was incredibly sweet, walking me to the bathroom, waiting for me outside, fetching me water and tea, and doing anything he could think of to make me feel better.
We said our goodbyes, and it wasn’t until I texted him halfway through the trip back to Georgia that I realized that Jaison had seen one of the worst sides of me. The only ones who had seen this side of me were my immediate family, but this guy saw it firsthand… and as terrified as he was for my sake, he didn’t run for the hills! As embarrassing as that thought was, it was also really comforting.
We go through many ups and downs in life, but one thing that is constant is that Jesus is ALWAYS there for us as our support, intercessor, and confidant. Jesus sees exactly how broken we are, but none of it fazes Him. He continues to pursue us unabashedly. What is our response? I think it’s this need to live a life pleasing to Him.