Merin’s Story | The Journey to Joy

Guest Author: Merin Minch
Before you continue, read Part 1 of Merin’s story.

High school was an interesting time in my life. I didn’t really have many girls as friends because it seemed like everyone was boy-crazy. When I tried to have a similar façade, I couldn’t. My cousin talked to me about purity and how the Lord desires for us to be vessels of holiness. It came easy for me, seeing as I wanted nothing to do with men romantically.

Sure, I had guys as friends, but I friend-zoned every single guy who was remotely interested in me and put up several walls. The summer before my senior year of high school, I went to a conference during which one of the main speakers sat next to me. He asked me what I thought of his sermon for the high school kids about purity. I cheerfully replied that it was great and absolutely pertinent to my generation. After a few pauses he said, “Did you know that every single guy sitting in that room is a porn addict?”

That’s what did it for me.

I felt that men were animals who simply used women and didn’t care about their worth. I developed a deep resentment for them.

This resentment carried on into college. My second year of undergrad was when I fell into the valley of the hardest times I have ever endured.

The feelings of being dirty, unclean, unwanted and the idea that what had happened was my fault came back. I quickly isolated myself from my friends and felt as if the Lord was nowhere to be found.

I had spent the entire semester with my head deep in apologetics trying to prove God’s existence to my cousins who did not walk with Him… at this point, I started questioning His existence myself. At the end of the semester during the middle of a final exam, I felt intense spiritual attack where voices told me, “Nobody cares, nobody loves you… you should just kill yourself.” At this point, I put my pencil down, didn’t finish the exam, went straight to the psychologist’s office and poured out my heart.

I ended up taking the semester off to go through counseling, where I found out I had severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I often had severe flashbacks while studying, flinched if any man even touched my shoulder, and had nightmares of being attacked. Each week I would talk to my counselor and right after that, Ben (my now-husband), would call me to “detox” from the counseling session. He was a really great friend in the midst of all of this: constantly encouraging me with Scripture, always offering to carry my burdens to the throne of grace with me. Both Ben and my counselor told me they felt I should tell my dad about what happened.

It was absolutely terrifying sitting at the kitchen table facing my mom and dad. My dad was so gentle. He said he wished I told him when I was younger (I told him that I thought he wouldn’t believe me), but that this season was a time to seek forgiveness. He also said that I had my whole life ahead of me and to not let this hold me back.

I remember feeling this huge weight being lifted off of me.

I didn’t realize how badly I wanted my dad to know! But that was the final part of my healing process. My relationship with my dad improved after that. We talk a lot more, we even hug each other!

That summer, I went to Rehoboth orphanage in Thrissur, India, and felt joy I had never experienced in my entire life. I loved meeting such incredibly strong, little girls. I remember at the end of our visit, there was a girl who didn’t want to be in the pictures, and when I asked her why, she said, “I’m ugly, my skin is too dark… I don’t deserve to be in the picture.”

That’s when it hit me how much it hurts our Heavenly Father when He hears one of His daughters saying that about themselves – His own creation! I now know that the voices in my head are flawed lies and that if they do not align with what Scripture says is true about me as a child of God, then those voices are wrong (John 1:12, Romans 8:17).

T O    B E    C O N T I N U E D

One thought on “Merin’s Story | The Journey to Joy

  1. Reblogged this on The First Gleam of Dawn and commented:
    This is the 2nd part in a 3 part series of Merin’s testimony. God meets us in the darkest places and brings healing, even when we think that healing is impossible. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to contact her.

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