Well, I Know Now

Guest Author: Maureen Chung

Have you ever experienced the peculiar sensation of suddenly being pulled into an instantaneous moment of time from a forgotten part of your memory?

Quite often, it seizes you unexpectedly in otherwise ordinary moments.

There was a particular evening while I went on a night run through my quiet Kansan neighborhood, I remember thinking it felt pleasantly warm. Like my arms and my face could melt into the air as familiar houses passed by in my periphery, the backdrop to me telling the Lord about my day.

Then, a breeze. On that warm evening.
A slight breeze carrying the smell of pavement brushed my face.

The backdrop shifted as sudden as the wind brushed me.

And I’m 17, back on the floor of a school roof,
lying next to a boy who taught me how to run away

from home
from problems
from myself

how to run away and climb buildings
how to run away and forget expectations and reality.

Looking up at the sky, we saw shooting stars.
I wondered to myself, amazed at what I saw
This night sky so vast above me, and even more out there

than I could see
than I could comprehend

I wondered if there was something even more that I just didn’t understand.

I remember who I was then.

And if I knew then
what I know now

I’d know the stars I saw were all set in place
I’d know that they were all declaring Your glory
I’d know that the thought of forever wasn’t coincidence
I’d know that the more was what my heart was yearning for

Was more than the boy who enabled me to run away
Was more than being able to conquer every building I climbed
Was more than even the infinitely outstretching night sky that captured my gaze in childlike wonder.

Imagine, two years later, as far from Kansas as I could enable myself to get away

I would hear about my Creator
From whom nothing is hidden about me.
The empty, the lonely, the worthless
everything
that I couldn’t run away from.

I would hear about my Creator
How He knew my desperate and wicked heart
But looked upon me with compassion and

Deliberately
Justly
Lovingly

Pursued me to His death.

And that would only be the beginning.

If I knew then
what I know now

I’d know that every star was proclaiming
As though You had them saying
Know me, Know me, Know me.

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