Another little sister, another bridal shower!
A couple months ago, we traveled back home to Texas to celebrate Lydia’s upcoming nuptials with close family and friends. What a sweet time of reminiscing, thanksgiving, and offering praise to the One who orchestrated it all!
For Nathan and me, “wedding season” has lasted the entire length of our marriage. That’s 2.5 years. Yes, years. As such, I wanted to share a couple lessons I learned along the way based on Lydia and Abel’s wedding verses.
Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! | Psalm 115:1
So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. | Ephesians 3:17-21
Getting married is stressful.
Being married is FUN.
There’s always someone to hang out with, always someone else’s plate to eat off of, always someone to bother. For those of you who are married, you know that these are some of the best parts of marriage! And because there is always this other human in the picture, it’s easy for our eyes and hearts to
d r i f t
Loving this other human is so good – it’s God’s greatest blessing to us, second to His Son. But that’s just it – our spouses are second to Christ.
Yes, this is easy to understand. But remembering this, living this out daily is definitely the greatest challenge of marriage.
So, lesson #1:
It’s okay to come in second to Jesus.
There are going to be times when your spouse will want to place you first. In those moments, exhort him/her to keep Christ first. There will also be times when you will want to be first in your spouse’s heart. Take those thoughts captive & submit to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
In doing so, you will better understand the “breadth and length and height and depth” of the love of God, allowing you to be “filled with all the fullness of God.”
Growing up, many of us had the privilege of watching our moms and mother-figures ROCK at life. They taught us godly characteristics and demonstrated the qualities of being a Proverbs 31 woman. Day-in and day-out we watched them do so much with each day – constantly sacrificing themselves for us, working hard, showing hospitality to others – the list goes on.
The same is true for the guys out there. Many of you grew up watching your dad ROCK at being a husband and father. You saw your dad protect and provide for the family, you saw him lead y’all according to the Word of God.
As an almost-new-wife or husband (or current/future wife or husband), you’ll be tempted to compare yourself to those who have been doing this whole “marriage” thing longer than you.
comparison is our greatest enemy and joy-stealer.
But maybe you grew up differently. Maybe you didn’t have good examples of godly wives and husbands. Maybe your parents weren’t believers, maybe they fought all the time, maybe they got divorced. Even still, the words above still apply.
In comparing yourself to poor examples, don’t be satisfied with just being better than them. This leads to complacency and pride – two things that have no place in a godly marriage. As believers, we compare ourselves only to Christ – a comparison that will always remind us of how short we fall and how imperfect we are.
So, lesson #2:
It’s okay to suck at being a spouse.
Just like anything else, being a godly spouse takes practice. It takes making mistakes and learning from them. It takes adapting to the different circumstances life throws at us. It takes a lot of a laughter and some tears. It takes faith and prayer.
Learn to grow from these situations. Learn to talk about them openly with your spouse. Learn to laugh at yourself when—not if, but when—you fail.
For those of you who are performance-driven people like myself, remember:
being a wife/husband is
not a skill to master,
it’s a way to testify of
God’s character and love.
So ladies, when you’re not the best at cooking, or at time-management, or at hosting people, or at being patient, or at doing all the things we watched our moms do so well, remember that they learned how to juggle everything over time. The same goes for all future husbands out there!
And when you do, inevitably fail, remember that He “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.”
Those of you stepping into marriage have one of the greatest privileges in life: to be a living example of God’s love for us.
As you serve one another, as you serve those in your community, as you handle struggles within your marriage and outside of your marriage, men—as you demonstrates what it means to lead, ladies—as you demonstrate what it means to be submissive,
Yes, this is a serious commitment y’all are making, but it’s also a fun one!
Amidst all the adulting you’re about to do, remember that marriage is one of God’s sweetest blessings to us! He designed marriage to be a truly joyful experience—and the world needs to see that just as much as it needs to see sacrificial, selfless love.
So yes, go be adults. Say the vows and find a job, travel, buy a house, have children—but all the while, make sure you
P.S. Happy wedding day to my sweet baby sister and crazy new brother. I have been so blessed to watch you both grow in your relationship with the Lord and in your relationship with one another along this journey towards marriage. Abel, thank you for loving my dorky, awkward, boongie of a sister so well. I officially relinquish my role as Lia’s BFFAEAEAEAEAEAE to you. Lids, props on somehow finding the most caring AND cheesy man on the face of the planet to spend the rest of your life with. In the words of our dear Apes, “Y’all are special.” There have been bumps and hiccups along the way, but the Lord has brought you to this beautiful February day to celebrate what He has done in y’alls lives! In the months leading up to this day, you have truly aimed to honor the Lord with every detail, every decision, every interaction. Y’alls humility, faith, and passion for the Lord has been a testament to us all. Continue in this. Don’t let up. Thank you both for teaching your graying old chech about how to love and live like Christ. Love you both fiercely. Now, LET’S GET Y’ALL MARRIED!