When You’ve Lost Your Voice…

Lately I’ve been trying my best to stay consistent with journaling. I started out in January doing really well. I wrote every day for the whole month. Then February and March came and went, and I wrote a few times a week. Here we are in April and I’m trying my best to write every day…again…

The reason I’m trying so hard to stick with it is because I love looking back at what I’ve written in the past. It’s tough for me to write consistently because I feel like I’m always on the go, which may or may not be actually true, but it seems that way more times than not. The time I spend alone is usually spent in a room. This room is a specific room. I’ll call it, “my room.” My room is a sort of safe haven. It’s where I go to be quiet because as a middle school teacher I forget what that word even means. It’s also where I go to rest, physically and spiritually. But more than those things, my room is the place I intentionally meet with my Heavenly Father. As I rest in the quietness of this special room, sometimes I don’t have words to speak, so I write to Him. The depths of my heart written on paper. Then, days and days later, I look back and read the words that somehow came from me and were documented on paper, and I can’t wrap my head around how God brought me from there to here. I lay it all out knowing that He reads the words coming from my heart. And again and again, after each journal entry I read, I am led to believe one thing even more – my God is faithful.

What if every single one of my prayers were transcribed and kept in a book? What if I could go back and read every single word or thought I had towards God? What if I had a list of every single prayer He’s ever answered? Wouldn’t I be able to see how He has so intricately moved, changed, and delicately handled me all these years? What an encouraging thought! The prayers I pray today, the conversations I have with my Savior today, oh yes, they are heard. Oh yes, they are considered. And oh yes, does my sweet Jesus Christ intercede on my behalf as each moment passes (Romans 8:34; Hebrews 7:25)! Even when I have no words. Even when I’ve lost my voice.

Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, o Lord, You know it all. | Psalm 139:4

My prayers are what fill my heart. The words, the thoughts, the longings, the groanings, the sorrows, the deep uncertainty – yes, these all fill my heart. And who is the One who hears all of it? Jesus. Who is the One who knows what fills my heart even if one word isn’t spoken? Jesus. (Romans 8:26-28)

Jesus.

Are y’all with me?

He knows what fills my heart. And when I said yes to Him that day not too long ago, I surrendered my heart to Him. So now, not only does He know what fills my heart, He is the very one who is filling my heart.

Friend, be encouraged. This very Savior, Jesus Christ, He longs for you to long for Him. He knows you. He sees you. And even if you don’t think so, He sees what’s in your heart, the very core of your being. Whatever you don’t say with words or whatever you hide behind, He sees right through it. He wants you to know that nothing can separate you from His love (Romans 8:35-39). So even before you start to think that God doesn’t get it, or God’s not listening, or that He’s not with you – think again. And maybe start writing some of your prayers down when you’ve lost your voice. Then, look back when you have some time. You’ll see that He has always been faithful. With words or without words, with a loud voice or with no voice at all, we can draw near in confidence to His throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16).

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