Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. | Revelation 3:20
Recap: I began getting to know this very special guy over the course of a few weeks. Despite having doubts, I chose to trust God.
Besides the fact that I was in a relationship, I had other things going on in my life…such as finishing up PA school and studying for my boards! No big deal, right? HA! If you know me, then you will know that I am very, easily distracted. Now that I had a gentleman in my life, I was INCREDIBLY, more distracted! Every night, I would stay up late just so I could hear about his day. Every morning I would wait in anticipation for his text saying “Good morning <insert cute nickname>!” Without realizing it, this man was invading my life and certainly my thoughts. (From here on, we will call him Jaison because he does have a name.)
Initially, I thought that waiting to meet in person until after taking my boards would be the best thing to do. Don’t get me wrong…Jaison and I desperately wanted to meet in person as soon as possible, but due to both of our schedules and the distance in between, meeting was a hard feat to accomplish. Then one evening, I was talking with my parents and the very subject of when would we should meet came up. When I mentioned my plan, my dad was the one who vehemently opposed the notion. I was genuinely shocked. My Indian parents didn’t want me to fully focus on the most important exam of my education and career??
My dad explained that it really wasn’t a good idea to wait two months before meeting because there were many things we, as a couple, needed to talk about in person to confirm that this was the real deal. As Jaison liked to put it, we were in a “virtual” relationship. Needless to say, our “meeting date” got pushed a month earlier, which was completely fine with us! We were ecstatic that our parents were the ones to suggest and approve it.
After many a conversation, we decided that it would be best if Jaison drove to where I was with the accompaniment of my cousin who happened to be one of his closest friends. The plan was that they would depart before the break of dawn and reach Georgia by mid-morning. Well, that did not take place! Jaison was so nervous the night before that he actually couldn’t fall asleep, but when he did eventually fall asleep, he accidentally slept past the alarm. They did not arrive until mid-afternoon.
I was a little sad that our time together would be a lot shorter than anticipated, but on the bright side, I had time to clean up my apartment! When I got the call that they were driving into my neighborhood, I thought I was going to pop from the excitement! I wore a maroon top (his favorite color), had my wild curly hair down (like he prefers), and waited, oh so patiently, to see him with my own two eyes.
My cousin was the first one out of the vehicle to greet me, and Jaison was the second. My initial thought was, “Hmm, he’s a lot slimmer looking in person.” Then immediately after that was the overwhelming impulse to run into his arms. I forced myself not to do that, and it converted into a very awkward hug. I had seen and talked to Jaison so many times before, but actually standing in front of him in real life was so different! I could see how his eyes crinkled on the sides, his particular scent, how tall he was, etc.
After we all went out for lunch, Jaison and I finally got some alone time by walking around the park. Once Jaison was no longer as nervous, we talked about everything and nothing, and the entire time I had this overwhelming urge to hold his hand as we walked. I forced myself not to because I didn’t want to scare Jaison away. Once our time was up, we all went back to my apartment, and I made chai before we said our farewells. When I said my goodbyes, I actually didn’t feel sad. I was so high off of the happiness of finally meeting this guy that I had been waiting for my whole life. In the end, I gave him a hug but I didn’t want to let go.
All of this pointed me back to Jesus and my relationship with Him. Looking back, I can now see that very early on, my relationship with Jesus was very much a “virtual relationship” where I met with Him regularly out of habit or obligation but it didn’t feel real or close. Then as I grew up and faced different things in life, my relationship with Christ became more real…I was meeting with Him not out of obligation but out of sheer necessity and even desperation. In those moments, reading His words felt very personal and speaking to Him felt as natural and essential as breathing.
Now, does that mean I have mastered any and all relationships? Not at all. There are still times in my relationship with Jaison where we might be sitting a foot apart, but it feels like we are worlds apart. Then there are moments where we are separated in a crowded room, and when our gazes meet it feels like we are actually right next to each other.
Same goes for my relationship with Jesus. There are times when I feel very far away and there are times when I feel very close. Here’s the thing: Jesus is NEVER the one drifting away. He is constant forever. When I fall into sin, doubt, laziness, busyness, etc., I am the one who causes the distance. The amazing thing is that Christ is so incredibly gracious and loving, and He is willing to wait and meet with us anytime. He has already paid the ultimate price to have a relationship with you! Is it any surprise that He is a patient Savior who is willing to wait for you?