Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. | I Peter 4:8
Recap: Jaison and I were still going strong with the long distance relationship, and things were getting serious.
With each passing day, I cared more for Jaison, but I didn’t have that moment where I knew I was in love. I just trusted that it would come with time. We actually talked about it multiple times…What is love? I knew of agape, phileo, and eros love… I gave the answer from my head, not my heart. We both came to the conclusion that agape love had to be at the one thing we could fall back on, but we struggled to live it out since we were in different states. How do you love someone unconditionally from afar?
While we continued to grapple with this internally, we continued to talk over the phone, Skype, and have the rare face-to-face meeting. One thing that Jaison kept telling me was that I wasn’t being open with him… I was genuinely shocked since I have been told that I am like an open book and that I could make friends with a rock if I wanted. Then it dawned on me that I was not being open with my heart. I think it stems from a combination of years of being told “guard your heart,” becoming jaded by past hurts, and losing people close to me. I had been doing it for so long that I genuinely wondered if I knew how to be more open emotionally.
With time, I did allow myself to be more vulnerable, and our relationship grew. I could feel my heart blossoming for Jaison, and that was when I realized that I did not want to wait to marry him. We both agreed on this, and we actually started the wedding planning process. However, things got complicated when I moved back to Texas. We were literally in two different time zones, and it truly felt like we were more separated in more ways than one… Little things became annoying things. Left unsaid, these things were left to fester. Neither of us addressed the elephant in the room… until it finally blew up in our faces!
As much as we tried to be considerate of each other, we actually ended up hurting each other by not being completely honest. Even though we were months into our relationship with a wedding on the horizon, we were hashing out things that were mentioned during the first week! I was genuinely shocked. Even though the experience was unpleasant, in the end we actually got closer. All those things that were unsaid or misconstrued were finally clarified.
Was that the last time we had miscommunication problems? Not at all, and I’m fairly certain that we will encounter this many times to come. The thing about relationships is that the closer you become, the clearer you see each other. When two broken sinners come together, it is so easy to focus on all of the cracks. What is hard is looking past all of that and loving that person. The perfect example is how Jesus loves us.
This love was manifested as the greatest sacrifice in humankind when He died on the cross paying all of our debts, covering our sins with His righteousness. Jesus saw our brokenness, saw our flawed hearts, but still loved us unconditionally. He doesn’t keep a record of our wrongs, and He never misconstrues what is in our hearts and minds. Even though we constantly sin and personally offend Him, Jesus still loves us with an everlasting love.